I can't believe this, a month into the long awaited holidays and I'm starting to feel useless all over again. While walking around in Popular this afternoon, I saw this book that Singaporean writer, Kassandra Kong wrote. It was called the Knights of Iris. On the cover, it stated that everyone was born into this world with a purpose in life. I thought, what other purpose could I have, other than studying?

Back home, I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw things that made me feel really bad. I got jealous. I'd admit, I get jealous rather easily, but being jealous of a friend is something I want to avoid and stay clear of at all costs. Being jealous of a friend is not something that I'd agree with myself, but still, I got jealous. How can someone be so talented in every single aspect and do well in everything she does? I don't understand just how unfair can this world get, but then again, it can get horribly unfair if I compared the life I'm living to the lives of those living in poverty. But that's not the main point. I thought I had gotten over the whole 'I'm useless' issue, but I guess it refused to leave my heart and it's still lying there, somewhere deep inside my heart.

My mother told me something that day, a flaw that I'd never noticed myself; I am a stubborn person who can't stand others being better than me, the moment I see someone being better than me in something, I give the prospect of pursuing that something, even if it's something I love tremendously. It happened when I learnt piano, according to her. And French as well. How pathetic of me. What a flaw.

Is there really nothing I can do? Nothing I can do to make myself into a person of higher value, someone that the society wouldn't brand useless? I don't know. I really don't want to harp over this during the holidays.

But, what can I do?