9:08 AM
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
O.M.G
I am in love with Jung Yong Hwa.
Don't ask why.
He's just so cute and perfect.
I need someone to rant to > <
8:32 PM
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Jigger and Pony - 101 Amoy Street
I'm so going there one day, once I turn of age, I'm going to drown myself in cocktails > <
2:15 AM
Drama Review: Heartstrings
I never thought that I would actually watch a Korean drama after Brilliant Legacy but nonetheless, I am currently watching Heartstrings. Starring Park Shin Hye and Jung Yong Hwa (CN Blue).
When I first read the synopsis of the drama, I was drawn into the plot. About a boy whose passion was music and only music and about a bubbly girl who changed his life.
However, when I started watching the drama though. I couldn't really see the 'passion' part of the drama. Lee Shin, Yong Hwa's character merely plays the guitar in a band and has thousand of fangirls screaming at him. That's about all.
Yet, the drama itself is nice so far. Slightly choppy here and there, but it's still tolerable.
I have doubts about the drama title though. Sure it shouldn't be called Coffee Love?
8:37 AM
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Today, Jiaqi and Denise baked cookies for us!
OMG. I want more ;A;
Man, Jiaqi can do everything! I wanna be her QAQ
Lol. I sound so forceful.
I gotta be strong.
If not, I'll end up crying every night.
I want to talk to someone so badly. Pour everything out to them. But no matter what, it's always the same stuff I think everyone's frustrated with me already.
Not saying that they don't understand. But most of them probably won't. Well, I'm surrounded by all kinds of talented people anyway.
I gotta be like peanut. I'm nothing, but at least I'll be proud being nothing.
7:58 AM
Feeling kinda weird these few days.
I don't know why, but...
Sigh.
12:43 PM
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Just like that, Nanyang Sing is over.
To be very honest, I already miss it. Not just a little, but a lot.
It's 3:35AM and I'm honestly really tired. But I just can't fall asleep for some reason.
Musical has been a tiring process, no doubt. Even the ushers had it tough. The school wanted to make sure that everything was perfect, that everything went well.
I was really reluctant to join at first, having to stay back till 7 and 11 for something that I did not join willingly. But in the end, as they always say, it's all worth it.
When you sit down and think about it, while listening to 毕业照, you start to realise that time has always been ticking away, never stopping. And in a few more weeks, we are going to be sitting in the assembly hall, eating our last dinner with all our classmates.
Musical was a fun experience, probably once in a lifetime too. Wearing the gown was damn troublesome, but it was only for 2 minutes everyday, so I didn't care that much. Grand Finale was always awesome. Even though the song sounds damn communist, we still love the song when we all sing it after a day's work. And then you realise, you really do love Nanyang.
We all say, I hate Nanyang, I hate being stereotyped as a Nanyang Girl, but putting that aside, honestly, we all do love Nanyang in the end, regardless of the number of teachers we hate, how lessons are so boring and stuff. Our friends, Nanyang's awesome campus and everything, Popular, we know we are going to miss them all.
The musical was somewhat like a crash course of Nanyang's history. And it's super cool to see out senior's senior's senior's senior's seniors come down to watch and celebrate the 95th anniversary with us. It makes me feel so proud of be part of this whole thing. So proud to know that I would soon be a part of Nanyang history as well.
I hope Nanyang lives on till a 1000th years old. Till then, they can consider my Nanyang on Ice idea.
I LOVE YOU NANYANG, 就像你永远爱我一样~
10:11 AM
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Musical - Preview, Day 1 and 2
Musical has been really tiring, but I think I'm coping quite well :D
Although I may have not been in many scenes, I have come to really enjoy the whole process. Lots of time wasted but it's all worth it I'd say~
It makes me kind of jealous how everyone looks good in suspenders though. Serious. Le sigh, I wish I could wear those too D:
Preview Day was really awesome and the energy level was high. Partially because most of the audience were our friends and people we knew, so maybe we felt more encouraged. That's what I feel though. Or maybe simply because it was the start of the tiring week and everyone's like not tired yet?
Yesterday, the musical went pretty well, although they said it wasn't as well done as the preview night. Most of the audience were alumni all the way from China and it's kind of cool to see them coming back to celebrate the 95th anniversary because who knows if they would be able to survive to see the 100th?
Lastly, tonight, it ended off on a pretty good note, because musical director praised the choir! Everyone was so happy and we were cheering for god knows what sake xD but overall, today was good with the exception of some mic issues and yadda yadda (too tired to elaborate)
Not going for Chinese tomorrow, as much as I'd love to (because I don't want to make laoshi upset), I guess I'll still not go. I'm too tired already D:
Good night people!
2 more shows to go!
BTW, I'm damn pissed with EXCO but I shall rant on it later -.-
Wan Xin :D
10:33 PM
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
I don't play an instrument. I just sing. It's not that awesome I know.
And it's not as if I sing really well.
Just what was I looking forward to? Just what did I harbor false hopes for?
I don't know.
When I went back, I was looking forward to what I wished would happen.
But of course it never came true. Same thing happened during Euphony.
I wonder if I really fit in sometimes, I really wonder sometimes.
Because I do really seem like I'm a misfit.
我真的配得上你们吗？
Maybe I don't. I'm not praise-worthy. Nor have I have any boasting features.
I don't know.
7:32 AM
Sunday, August 12, 2012
100th post YAY
It's such a cold Sunday night -sneezes-
Hope I don't fall sick.
Musical be a success tomorrow!
Wan Xin
9:22 AM
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Yawn.
Just came back from musical practice and man, that was rather tiring.
Thank god I had Daimei to accompany me ^^
And Chai Yi too~
Chai Yi dear ah, jiayou with all your overdue homework okay! But don't stress yourself out too much D:
Hmm, people change really fast, do they?
I don't understand how you can do it. Changing masks so fast. When you need us, you run to us like we have been friends for ages; but when you don't need us, you treat us like we are nothing, nothing but an eyesore.
You've changed so much. Are guys that important to you? Ever since you have been in a relationship, your attitude totally changed. I know, as a senior, to you, me not being in a relationship is lame. Right, I have never been in a relationship, so what. Please understand, not being in a relationship does not equate to one being unworthy as a friend.
You've changed. I wonder how you can still bring yourself to hug me.
How many masks do you have?
6:55 AM
Friday, August 10, 2012
Ever
felt so worthless that you start giving up on yourself?
Well,
if you are popular, smart, pretty, cute, cool, suave, sporty and all, you
wouldn't have had. But I do, all the time.
It
bothers me a lot. Like the amount of fats I have in my stomach, how my face is
so weirdly proportioned, and have a really terrible attitude that people have
to put up with all the time.
They
said, "Why compare yourselves with others so much?"
Basically
I can't help it. I've grown up comparing myself to others academically. And
then when I finally come to realise in Secondary 2 that I have nothing I'm
actually good at, I started looking for it, something I'm good at, a talent
that no one else could possess.
I'm
Secondary 4 now, going onto 16, and guess what? I couldn't find anything that
belongs to me and only me.
I
tried and tried, and cried a lot in the process of looking for it - my purpose
in life. If there was nothing I was good at, then what's the point of living?
What's the point of being strong?
I
tried. I really did.
Some
things are just there they way they were. I wasn't born with a model like
figure - I had been chubby since young, I wasn't born with a face that people
would call pretty and I wasn't exactly outstanding in terms of sense of
presence. I'm probably just the kind of "Oh, I see her," and you'll
forget me a second later girl.
I
wasn't born exactly smart either. I had never been top in anything in class. I
don't have leadership skills, I get nervous on stage, I'm not science-smart, I
can only achieve As in Math through tons of hard work and I can't write a
decent essay.
It's
not just that that I'm bad at.
I
played the piano, starting from when I was around Primary One (7 years old) and
I carried on till I was 12. It was then I realised playing the piano had become
such a strenuous thing for me, my love for the piano was fading away. I enjoyed
playing the piano, but if playing it was going to be such a tiring and tearful
process... I don't want to continue anymore. I passed Grade 5 with a merit for
practical and a distinction for my theory and gave up since then.
I
tried to learn French. It went well at first, and I was so happy that I was
finally learning a new language. I imagined myself walking down the streets of
Paris and Bordeaux, talking to the locals there and sipping wine at a classy
restaurant. I had loved the subject so much. However when I realised that my
100% effort in learning this subject was only a B4, I gave up completely.
I
told others I had lost interest in the language and hated the teachers, but
that wasn't true. I love their culture, I love how the people there respect
their red wine, I love how the words roll off your tongue so easily. I might
have been wrong for not hanging in there further. But I could no longer find
any motivations.
I
tried playing some sport. In primary school, I made it to the senior badminton
team in school and I was overwhelmed with joy. My happiness didn't last for
long when I saw that the rest in the team were so much stronger than me in
every way. I was probably put into the team because I looked stupid training
with the junior team, the coach took pity on me, and yadda yadda. In Secondary
School came the point where you try out a few sports a year. Pretty interesting
I thought, maybe there would be one I'll be good at!
What
was I talking about - being good in a sport. I can't even finish running 2.4km
without feeling like dying.
In
Secondary 1, I was still oblivious to how useless I was, so I didn't really
care during Physical Education lessons. However in Secondary 2, I felt so tiny.
So overpowered by the rest of my class. But I didn't think much of it, majority
of them were in a sports CCA, I thought it would be natural for them to excel
in sports. In 2011, I was Secondary Three, it dawned upon me. Give it up,
you'll never be able to find a sport that you are good at. When I make a goal,
I feel so proud of myself, but when I start looking around and see people
shooting hoops like it was nothing, I felt so naive to be beaming just because
of one goal. In Secondary Four, when I start looking around seriously, even my
friends were all just so talented in sports. It's like magic ran through
whatever they touched and they can pick up skills so fast.
And
yet, I can't do anything with a racket, a bat, a ball, or a stick.
Now,
as I’m typing out my life story. I feel so darn useless. For what have I been
living for these past few years?
6:08 AM
If one fine day, someone would come along and make me feel not so worthless, I'll be so thankful for him/her.
"I can't live without you," ain't gonna work by the way.
6:04 AM
I can't stand it anymore.
The musical is so stressful.
And there are issues with the gown.
And the others are like I don't care man.
Well, that's because you are all effing skinny and can squeeze into that effing thing easily!
I'm fat, I can't.
Darn it. Damn it all.
I don't want to live any longer.
2:09 AM
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Humans are selfish. It is an undeniable fact that everyone is selfish, no matter how kind you might be.
Let me ask you:
Who would you take a bullet for?
Under a perfectly calm situation without any polygraphs attached round your wrist, you would answer:
You. My friend. My parents. My siblings.
However when experiencing the real thing, we run.
Humans are afraid of death. Who isn't?
I'm selfish too. I always am. I admit. I'm probably the most selfish person I have ever seen.
I substantiate this with various reasons, which I shall not state.
I am selfish. That's all you need to know.
If you know what's good for you, I suggest no one gets too close with me.
For I'm imperfect and an embarrassment to this human race.
But then again, who's perfect?
1:58 AM
6:02 AM
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Once again, I'm feeling useless.
8:25 AM
Saturday, August 4, 2012
It's not that I'm dumb, it's not that I don't know.
I just choose to be ignorant.
Because the more I get tangled up with, the deeper the scar will be.
I'm afraid.
I'm a coward.
9:00 AM
Friday, August 3, 2012
Today, Alicia came back to school. Firstly, congratulations on getting the President's Scholarship! Nanyang is proud of you <3
And then while she was talking, I suddenly felt rather emotional. Just 3 years ago, she was still wearing the Nanyang uniform and now, she's already leaving for university, which makes me wonder, how fast are the remaining 2 months in school going to past?
Honestly, I don't want to think about it.
8:07 AM
I give up on Math.
I'm in no mood to think at all.
My mind is in a total mess.
Someone save me.
7:30 AM
Thursday, August 2, 2012
I don't know anymore.
Who to trust and who not to trust.
This world has become so darn screwed, I'm so confused and tired of it all.
People build walls around themselves, yes, even the happiest person around you does. There's always that secret that one is always unwilling to tell.
So, I can't tell if you are telling the truth or not. I can't accuse that you're lying either.
Hiding too much of your feelings isn't good. Because, how do I trust you like that?
7:27 AM
Sometimes, people choose to face their problems alone, while some prefer to just let it all out.
Why do people choose to face this cruel world themselves, when one out of the how many billion people out there would definitely be there for them if they need it?
Why pretend to be strong, when you are not?
Why pretend to be tough, when you are not?
Why learn not to cry, when you need it?
Why act tough, when you can't hold on any longer?
Why?
5:09 AM
I'm starting to doubt.
Are you facing the world behind a mask, or braving it all by yourself?
