Today, I
feel a little useless again.
It’s been a
long time since I felt like that.
I know I’m
being rather stupid for feeling this way, well, because, everyone cannot choose
what they are going to be born with.
But I just
find it rather unfair.
No, I wasn’t
pissed with Jiaqi being able to memorize all the Sec3 topics in one night. I
was angry with myself for not being able to do the same.
I know
everyone’s different. Amanda said, “God created everyone to be equal. So
everyone has something good in them.”
I don’t
doubt Amanda’s words of wisdom. But, I doubt if I’m human because that is true.
Maybe I’m
not human. Maybe I’m just going to grow up to be a parasite of the society. I
can’t even think how I can contribute to this society.
Every time
I look at others, I admire them so much for being able to do so many things,
yet be well-liked at the same time. I can’t. I don’t think I’ll ever accomplish
that.
I can no
longer play the piano. I’m no good with my studies. I’m no good with sports. I’m
no good with music.
I don’t
think I will ever be able to do anything in my entire boring life.
What makes
it worse, is the fact that I can’t do well in what I love doing, when others
can do well in what they hate doing. Doesn’t make sense does it?
Maybe I
wasn’t made for this competitiveness. Maybe I wasn’t made for this kind of
environment if I’m going to be the coward I am now.
I am weak.
And I admit it.
I’m facing
this harsh reality, unable to run away. Because the more I run away from it,
the harder it comes back at me.
I should
just stop thinking about it. Because it hurts while I do.
